What is domestic violence?
What is domestic violence?
Domestic violence is a pattern of behavior used to gain or maintain power and control over an intimate partner or family member. Also called intimate partner violence or domestic abuse, it affects an estimated 10 million people in the United States every year. As many as 1 in 4 women and 1 in 9 men are victims of domestic violence, and many more cases go unreported.
Domestic violence is not limited to physical harm. It encompasses a wide range of abusive behaviors, including emotional manipulation, financial control, sexual coercion, psychological aggression, and stalking. It can happen to anyone regardless of age, race, gender, sexual orientation, religion, socioeconomic background, or education level.
| Key Fact | Detail |
|---|---|
| Definition | A pattern of abusive behavior used to establish power and control over an intimate partner |
| Estimated U.S. victims per year | 10 million |
| Women affected | 1 in 4 |
| Men affected | 1 in 9 |
| Annual economic cost (U.S.) | Over $12 billion |
| Types of abuse | Physical, emotional, sexual, financial, psychological, technological |
The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) defines domestic violence as "physical violence, sexual violence, stalking, and psychological aggression (including coercive acts) by a current or former intimate partner." It occurs across all types of relationships, including married couples, cohabiting partners, and dating relationships.
Incidents of domestic violence are rarely isolated. They typically escalate in both frequency and severity over time and can culminate in serious physical injury or death. Understanding the full scope of domestic violence is the first step toward recognizing it and seeking safety.
Types of domestic violence
Domestic violence extends far beyond physical harm. Abusers use a combination of tactics to establish dominance, and many victims experience multiple forms of abuse simultaneously. Understanding each type helps survivors and their support networks recognize abuse even when there are no visible injuries.
| Type of Abuse | Examples |
|---|---|
| Physical abuse | Hitting, kicking, punching, pushing, biting, strangling, using weapons |
| Emotional/psychological abuse | Name-calling, gaslighting, humiliation, constant criticism, isolation from loved ones |
| Sexual abuse | Forced sexual acts, reproductive coercion, sharing intimate images without consent |
| Financial abuse | Controlling access to money, preventing employment, ruining credit, stealing income |
| Technological abuse | Monitoring devices, controlling social media, tracking location, surveilling communications |
| Spiritual/cultural abuse | Misusing religious texts to justify abuse, coercing marriage, threatening deportation |
| Stalking | Physically following, unwanted contact, monitoring through third parties |
Physical abuse
Physical abuse is the most recognizable form of domestic violence. It includes any intentional use of force against the victim's body, such as hitting, slapping, kicking, punching, biting, shoving, strangling (often called "choking"), burning, or using weapons. Physical abuse may also involve restraining a partner or preventing them from leaving a location.
Physical assaults may occur only once or occasionally at first. However, even a single incident instills fear of future attacks and enables the abuser to maintain control over the victim's life and decisions.
Emotional and psychological abuse
Emotional abuse targets a victim's sense of self-worth and mental stability. It includes constant criticism, name-calling, belittling accomplishments, gaslighting (making the victim question their own reality), and using intimidation or threats to gain compliance. An abuser may tell the victim they are "nothing" without them.
This form of abuse also involves isolating victims from their support systems. Abusers may monitor conversations, limit contact with family and friends, and convince victims that no one else cares about them. Although emotional abuse leaves no physical marks, it can be equally devastating and often accompanies other forms of violence.
Sexual abuse
Sexual abuse in a domestic relationship includes any unwanted sexual contact or behavior. This ranges from forced intercourse to pressuring a partner into sexual acts they are not comfortable with. It also encompasses reproductive coercion, which involves forcing pregnancy, terminating a pregnancy against the victim's will, or interfering with birth control.
Making or sharing sexual images without consent is another form of sexual abuse that has become increasingly common with digital technology.
Financial abuse
Financial abuse is one of the most powerful tactics an abuser can use because it directly limits a victim's ability to leave. It includes preventing a partner from working, taking their income, giving an "allowance," restricting access to bank accounts, ruining credit, and controlling essential resources like food, medication, or transportation.
Research suggests that financial abuse occurs in 98% of abusive relationships, making it one of the most common yet least discussed forms of domestic violence.
Technological abuse
Technology has created new avenues for abusers to exert control. Technological abuse includes using tracking devices or apps to monitor a partner's location, controlling and sabotaging social media access, reading emails and messages without permission, and sharing private information online without consent.
This form of abuse can persist even after a victim leaves the relationship, as abusers may continue surveillance through shared devices or accounts.
Spiritual and cultural abuse
Spiritual abuse involves misusing religious or spiritual teachings to justify abusive behavior or coerce a partner into submission. Cultural abuse includes using a victim's cultural beliefs to force them into marriage or pregnancy, inhibiting their connection to their country of origin, or threatening their immigration status.
Warning signs of domestic violence
Recognizing domestic violence can be difficult, especially when it begins subtly and escalates gradually. Early in a relationship, an abusive partner may appear attentive, generous, and protective. Over time, that attention transforms into controlling and frightening behavior. Knowing the warning signs is critical for victims, friends, family members, and professionals.
| Category | Warning Signs |
|---|---|
| Controlling behavior | Monitors your phone, tracks your location, controls how you spend money, prevents you from working or attending school |
| Isolation tactics | Stops you from seeing friends or family, monitors conversations, convinces you that you have no one else |
| Verbal aggression | Name-calling, insults, put-downs, constant criticism, humiliation in front of others |
| Threats and intimidation | Threatens violence against you, your children, or your pets; uses looks, actions, or gestures to instill fear |
| Physical violence | Hits, kicks, shoves, slaps, chokes, or otherwise physically harms you |
| Jealousy and possessiveness | Acts excessively jealous, accuses you of infidelity, calls repeatedly to check on you |
| Blame-shifting | Blames you for their abusive behavior, tells you that you "deserve" it, minimizes the abuse |
Signs your partner may be abusive
Your partner may be abusive if they embarrass or insult you in front of others, put down your accomplishments, make you feel incapable of making decisions, or tell you that you are worthless without them. Abusers frequently use drugs or alcohol as an excuse for hurtful words and violent behavior.
Other red flags include pressuring you sexually, preventing you from leaving after arguments, threatening to take custody of your children, and destroying personal property. An abuser may also control whether you can see a healthcare professional or access necessary medications.
Signs you may be in an abusive relationship
Ask yourself these questions: Do you feel scared of how your partner may behave? Do you constantly make excuses for your partner's behavior? Do you believe you can help your partner change if you changed something about yourself? Do you avoid doing things that might cause conflict or anger your partner?
If you always do what your partner wants instead of what you want, or if you stay in the relationship because you fear what your partner would do if you left, these are strong indicators of an abusive dynamic. Recognizing these patterns is a crucial first step.
The cycle of domestic violence
Domestic violence typically follows a recurring pattern that keeps victims trapped in the relationship. Understanding this cycle can help survivors recognize the patterns and make informed decisions about their safety.
| Phase | Description |
|---|---|
| 1. Tension building | Stress and conflict increase; the victim may try to keep the peace or avoid triggering the abuser |
| 2. Incident | The abuser commits an act of violence or abuse (physical, emotional, sexual, or other) |
| 3. Reconciliation | The abuser apologizes, makes excuses, blames the victim, or promises to change; may offer gifts |
| 4. Calm ("Honeymoon") | The relationship appears to improve temporarily; the abuser may act loving and attentive |
During the tension-building phase, communication breaks down and the victim may feel like they are "walking on eggshells." Small conflicts begin to escalate, and the victim often tries to placate the abuser to prevent an outburst.
The incident phase involves the actual abuse, which can be verbal, emotional, physical, or sexual. This is followed by a reconciliation phase in which the abuser may apologize, offer gifts, deny the abuse occurred, or blame the victim for provoking it.
The calm phase can feel like a return to normalcy. The abuser may be affectionate and attentive, leading the victim to hope the abuse is over. Eventually, tension rebuilds and the cycle repeats, often with increasing severity and frequency.
Not every abusive relationship follows this exact pattern. Some victims experience near-constant abuse without a honeymoon phase, while others may see the cycle play out over weeks or months. Regardless of the specific pattern, domestic violence tends to worsen over time without intervention.
The intergenerational cycle
The cycle of abuse extends beyond individual relationships. Children who witness or experience domestic violence are at higher risk of becoming victims or perpetrators of abuse in their adult relationships. This intergenerational pattern can also extend to elder abuse, as family dynamics established in childhood continue into later life.
Breaking this cycle requires intervention at multiple levels, including individual therapy, family counseling, community education, and systemic support for survivors and their children.
Who domestic violence affects
Domestic violence has no boundaries. It occurs across all races, ages, genders, sexual orientations, religions, and socioeconomic groups. However, certain populations face disproportionately higher rates of victimization and unique barriers to seeking help.
| Group | Key Statistics / Details |
|---|---|
| Women | 1 in 4 women experience domestic violence in their lifetime |
| Men | 1 in 9 men experience domestic violence in their lifetime |
| Children | Millions of children witness domestic violence annually; exposure increases risk of future victimization or perpetration |
| Elderly individuals | Elder abuse by caregivers or family members is expected to rise as the elderly population grows |
| LGBTQ+ individuals | Experience domestic violence at similar or higher rates; face unique barriers such as threats of "outing" |
| Immigrant communities | Face threats of deportation, language barriers, and document destruction |
| People with disabilities | Abusers may control medications, exploit finances, or withhold physical accommodations |
While domestic violence is most often directed toward women, men also experience abuse and face their own barriers to reporting, including stigma and a lack of male-specific resources. Children, whether directly abused or witnessing violence in the home, suffer profound developmental and psychological consequences.
Victims include current and former spouses, dating partners, co-parents, and other household members. Domestic violence can also be perpetrated by adult children against aging parents or by caregivers against elderly individuals.
Impact of domestic violence
The consequences of domestic violence reach far beyond the immediate harm of an abusive incident. Victims, families, workplaces, and entire communities bear the burden of its effects. The national economic cost of domestic and family violence in the United States is estimated at over $12 billion per year.
| Area of Impact | Effects |
|---|---|
| Physical health | Injuries, chronic pain, traumatic brain injury, sexually transmitted infections, pregnancy complications |
| Mental health | PTSD, depression, anxiety, suicidal ideation, substance abuse |
| Children | Behavioral problems, developmental delays, difficulty in school, increased risk of future abuse |
| Economic | Lost productivity, medical expenses, legal costs, housing instability |
| Social | Isolation, damaged relationships, loss of community connections |
Physical and mental health consequences
Victims of domestic violence frequently suffer both immediate injuries and long-term health problems. Physical consequences include bruises, broken bones, chronic pain, traumatic brain injuries from repeated blows or strangulation, and complications during pregnancy. Domestic violence during pregnancy threatens the health of both the pregnant person and the unborn child.
The psychological toll is equally severe. Survivors commonly experience post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), depression, anxiety, low self-esteem, and difficulty trusting others. Many develop unhealthy coping mechanisms, including substance abuse, self-harm, or avoidance behaviors. These are responses to trauma, not character flaws.
Impact on children
Children who grow up in homes where domestic violence occurs are affected even when they are not the direct targets of abuse. Witnessing violence between parents or caregivers can lead to behavioral problems, difficulty concentrating in school, regression in developmental milestones, anxiety, depression, and an increased likelihood of entering abusive relationships as adults.
Domestic violence during pregnancy and after a child's birth also disrupts the parent-child bond and can lead to long-term attachment issues.
Economic consequences
Domestic violence diminishes productivity and quality of life on a massive scale. Victims may miss work, lose employment, face mounting medical bills, and struggle with housing instability after leaving an abuser. Abusers frequently sabotage their partner's financial independence, making it even harder to leave.
On a societal level, the costs include law enforcement responses, court proceedings, emergency shelter services, healthcare treatment, child welfare interventions, and lost economic output.
Unique experiences of specific populations
While domestic violence can affect anyone, certain populations face additional forms of abuse and distinct barriers that make it harder to seek help or leave an abusive situation. Recognizing these unique challenges is essential for providing appropriate support.
| Population | Unique Challenges |
|---|---|
| Black, Indigenous, and People of Color | Racial slurs used as abuse; distrust of law enforcement; cultural or spiritual practices belittled |
| Immigrant victims | Threats of deportation; documents destroyed; language barriers exploited |
| LGBTQ+ individuals | Threats of "outing"; minimization of abuse in same-sex relationships; small community dynamics |
| Transgender and non-binary individuals | Misgendering as abuse; denial of medical treatment or hormones; fetishization of body |
| Teen victims | May believe abuse is normal; lack trusted adults; peer pressure |
| Older adults | Abuser may claim cognitive impairment; withhold medical care; steal financial benefits |
| People with disabilities | Abuser controls medications, medical care, mobility devices, or finances |
Black, Indigenous, and People of Color
Victims from these communities may face racial slurs and culturally specific forms of abuse. An abuser may threaten to call the police knowing the victim does not feel safe with law enforcement, or they may berate the victim's cultural or spiritual practices. Historical mistrust of systems can create significant barriers to seeking help.
Immigrant victims
Abusers of immigrant partners often weaponize immigration status. They may threaten deportation while keeping the children, hide or destroy passports and visas, prevent their partner from learning the local language, and lie about what authority figures are saying. Victims should know that visa protections exist for survivors of domestic violence, including the U-visa and protections under the Violence Against Women Act (VAWA).
LGBTQ+ individuals
LGBTQ+ people experience domestic violence at rates similar to or higher than heterosexual individuals. An abuser may threaten to reveal a partner's sexual orientation or gender identity to family, employers, or community members. Victims may fear they won't be believed because society often fails to recognize abuse in LGBTQ+ relationships.
Transgender and non-binary victims face additional forms of abuse, including deliberate misgendering, denial of access to hormones or medical treatment, and fetishization of their bodies against their will.
Teens and older adults
Teen victims may be in their first relationship and lack the experience to recognize abusive behavior as abnormal. They may not have a trusted adult to confide in and could face pressure from peers at school.
Older victims of domestic violence face distinct challenges. An abuser might claim the victim is cognitively impaired to gain power of attorney, withhold necessary medical care or medication, or steal Social Security checks and other financial benefits.
Safety planning
A safety plan is a personalized, practical strategy for protecting yourself during a violent incident, while preparing to leave, or after leaving an abusive relationship. Safety planning does not mean you must leave immediately. It means having a plan ready for when you decide the time is right.
| Safety Planning Step | Details |
|---|---|
| Identify safe areas | Know rooms with exits and avoid kitchens, bathrooms, or areas with potential weapons |
| Prepare an emergency bag | Include identification, money, medications, important documents, a change of clothes, and keys |
| Memorize key numbers | Know hotline numbers, local shelter contacts, and trusted friends or family members |
| Establish a code word | Create a code word with trusted people that signals you need immediate help |
| Secure technology | Clear browser history, use incognito mode, check devices for tracking software |
| Plan your route | Know how to get to a shelter, police station, or safe location quickly |
| Protect financial access | Open a separate bank account, save money in a safe place, keep copies of financial records |
During an abusive incident
If violence is imminent, try to move to a room with an exit and avoid areas where weapons (like kitchen knives) are accessible. If possible, call 911 or have a neighbor call. Use your code word to alert a trusted friend or family member. Protect your head and face if you are being physically attacked.
Preparing to leave
Leaving an abusive relationship is the most dangerous time for a victim, so planning ahead can save your life. Gather important documents such as birth certificates, Social Security cards, passports, financial records, and protective orders. Keep them in a secure location outside the home, such as with a trusted friend or in a safe deposit box.
Set aside money when possible and open a bank account your partner does not know about. Pack an emergency bag with essentials and keep it hidden or at a friend's home. If you have children, include their documents and necessities as well.
After leaving
Once you leave, change locks, phone numbers, and passwords. Inform your workplace, your children's school, and trusted neighbors about the situation. Obtain a protective order if appropriate. Continue working with advocates and local service providers for ongoing safety and support.
Getting help and resources
Making the first call or reaching out for help is one of the most courageous steps a survivor can take. Multiple resources are available nationwide, providing free, confidential support around the clock.
| Resource | Contact Information |
|---|---|
| National Domestic Violence Hotline | Call 1-800-799-7233; text "START" to 88788; chat at thehotline.org |
| Crisis Text Line | Text HOME to 741741 |
| National Sexual Assault Hotline (RAINN) | Call 1-800-656-4673 |
| National Child Abuse Hotline | Call 1-800-422-4453 |
| Eldercare Locator | Call 1-800-677-1116 |
| StrongHearts Native Helpline | Call 1-844-762-8483 |
| Emergency services | Call 911 |
What to expect when you reach out
When you contact a domestic violence hotline, a trained advocate will listen without judgment. They can help you assess your safety, develop a safety plan, identify local shelters and services, and connect you with legal assistance. All calls, chats, and texts are confidential.
Language interpretation services are available, and advocates can provide information about visa options for immigrant victims. You do not need to speak the local language fluently or have documentation to receive help.
Local resources and shelters
In addition to national hotlines, most communities have local domestic violence agencies that offer emergency shelter, transitional housing, legal advocacy, counseling, support groups, and assistance with employment and financial independence. You can find local providers through the National Domestic Violence Hotline's online directory.
The role of healthcare professionals
Healthcare professionals, including doctors, nurses, dentists, pharmacists, and mental health providers, are often among the first to encounter victims of domestic violence. Routine screenings in clinical settings can help identify abuse early. If you are a victim, your healthcare provider can document injuries, provide medical treatment, connect you with local resources, and, in some cases, report suspected abuse as required by law.
All healthcare professionals should be trained to recognize the signs of domestic violence and respond with compassion, safety planning support, and appropriate referrals.
How to support someone experiencing domestic violence
If you suspect someone you care about is being abused, approach them with empathy and without judgment. Let them know you are concerned and that you are available when they are ready to talk. Do not pressure them to leave the relationship immediately, as this can increase danger and push them away.
Believe what they tell you. Offer to help with safety planning, provide information about local resources, and respect their decisions. Leaving an abusive relationship is a process, and it may take multiple attempts before a survivor is able to leave safely and permanently.
Frequently asked questions
Why don't victims just leave?
Leaving an abusive relationship is extremely complex and often dangerous. Victims may face financial dependence, fear of retaliation, concern for their children's safety, immigration-related threats, emotional manipulation, isolation from support systems, and a genuine belief that the abuser will change. The period immediately after leaving is statistically the most dangerous time for a victim, as abusers may escalate violence to regain control.
Can men be victims of domestic violence?
Yes. 1 in 9 men experience domestic violence in their lifetime. Men face unique barriers to reporting, including social stigma, fear of not being believed, and a lack of male-specific shelters and resources. Domestic violence in same-sex male relationships is also common and often underreported.
Is verbal abuse considered domestic violence?
Yes. Verbal abuse, including name-calling, insults, threats, and constant criticism, is a form of emotional and psychological domestic violence. While it may not always meet the legal threshold for criminal charges in every jurisdiction, it is a recognized and harmful component of the broader pattern of abuse.
How does domestic violence affect children?
Children who witness domestic violence may experience anxiety, depression, behavioral problems, difficulty in school, developmental delays, and post-traumatic stress. They are also at increased risk of becoming victims or perpetrators of violence in their own relationships as adults.
How do I report domestic violence?
If someone is in immediate danger, call 911. For non-emergency situations, you can contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 for guidance. You may also report concerns to local law enforcement, child protective services (if children are involved), or adult protective services (if elderly individuals are at risk). Healthcare professionals, teachers, and other mandated reporters are required by law to report suspected abuse in many states.
What legal protections are available for victims?
Victims can seek protective orders (also called restraining orders) through the courts. Federal protections under the Violence Against Women Act (VAWA) provide additional safeguards, including immigration relief for immigrant victims (U-visa, T-visa, VAWA self-petition). Many states also have specific domestic violence statutes that address housing protections, custody considerations, and workplace accommodations for survivors. Understanding whether domestic violence is charged as a felony or misdemeanor can also help victims navigate the legal process.
What is the difference between domestic violence and domestic abuse?
The terms are often used interchangeably. "Domestic violence" traditionally referred to physical violence, while "domestic abuse" encompasses the full range of abusive behaviors, including emotional, psychological, financial, and sexual abuse. Today, most organizations and legal definitions use both terms to describe the complete spectrum of abusive behavior in intimate and family relationships.